Anger - by Darylynn Starr Rank
April, 2007

As it turned out, writing the column, dumping all of that ‘annoyance’, learning a lesson from the experience, turned out to be a highly effective anger management technique; for me. The column mentioned a workshop on Women and Anger as one way of learning how to deal with anger in further appropriate and effective ways. 

Well, here’s an interesting experience that happened in the workshop itself. It seems that no one arranging the workshop schedule realized that the fourth of the five of sessions would take place during spring break. The workshop took place at a school. A school that was, of course, closed, for that spring break, I just mentioned. 

Once there, Elaine Stoll, the workshop facilitator, immediately figured out what was happening. The empty parking lot, and locked doors to the building were pretty clear signs. She decided to wait outside the school in case anyone else showed up by mistake as well. 

Good thing, too. Seven other women showed up. So after some discussion they decided to go to a restaurant around the corner that had a large private room. Just in case, Elaine left a small note on the door of the school for anyone else who might show up, explaining where they were. 

Well, sure enough, three more women arrived at the restaurant a little while later, bringing the total of participants up to ten of the eleven women who attended the course. A full house!

Being an excellent instructor, Elaine used the opportunity as a “teachable moment”. Rather than talking about anger, she saw that they were now in a situation where they were angry. They had started with the classic “whose fault was this; who’s to blame for this mistake?” conversation. But had quickly moved on to problem-solving.  

They’d turned the mistake into a great workshop session in a very comfortable setting. And a lovely and useful time was had by all.

Elaine then pointed out that if this had been a group with some other focus, they all might have responded differently.  But since the focus was learning how to work with anger, she used the “mistake” to demonstrate that anger is a powerful emotion and, if used wisely, can effectively help solve all sorts of problems and in the right circumstances, even bring people closer together.

She’s right of course. Anger isn’t just a “thing” with a life of its own that we have no control over, and it isn’t always harmful by any means. Instead, it’s a “tool” that we can use at our discretion, in many different and constructive ways.

Ah, one can never tell where life’s best lessons are going to come from. The flow of the universe…

Take care, all.

Darylynn Starr Rank (psychologist/writer) works part-time for Family Services of Greater Vancouver as a group facilitator. Her articles appear bi-weekly in The Record (New Westminster) and the Richmond Review.

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