Anger - by Darylynn Starr Rank
February, 2007

We’re not supposed to get angry, you know. Especially us women. It’s an old story. If women get angry – well, the names for us are simply awful. So awful I’m not going to bother repeating them here. But we’re supposed to be nice. And right at this particular instant being able to get angry is utterly relevant to me.

You see, I just got off the phone from a credit card company who is messing up. They’ve lost $722 of my money. It’s gone. Disappeared. I have been struggling to find this money for a week. Been on the phone with them about seven times – once for each hundred dollars, I guess. Individual calls lasting twenty minutes, half an hour, forty-five minutes.. 

And I’m annoyed. P---ed off. Actually I’m mad. Angry. Not hugely, but bad enough. About three and a half hours of phone conversation’s worth of mad, I suppose. And a week’s worth of anxiety about the actual $722. As well as a week’s worth of having to keep it on my list (my too-long-a-list) of things I have to take care of. 

And I’m mad about the sheer exasperation of dealing with automated phone systems, trying to get to real people who might actually be able to help me, explaining the problem seventeen different ways, defending myself against the myriad questions of ‘well, did you do this wrong?’, ‘or this?’, ‘or this?’  And getting ninety-two different explanations of what’s happened to my money – all without actually recovering the $722 of course! – worth of mad. 

So there you go. Shouldn’t I be mad? Haven’t I earned it? I hope you think so. But I can hear dozens of voices in my head  saying, “No”. “You shouldn’t be so upset.” “Calm down.” “These things happen.” “There’s no point in getting yourself in a tizzy.” (What kind of word is tizzy anyway?)

And I feel squirmy. The voices are right, I think to myself. I shouldn’t get upset. I should take it in stride. Not be so sensitive. 

But, no! Those voices are wrong! I’m mad. I’m really mad! And I deserve to be!!!! So there you go!

Phew! 

Wow. I got mad. ‘Talked’ about it (or wrote about it – both things can work). Complained like crazy. Figured out and expressed all the things that were making me nuts. And I feel better. Way better. I really do. 

Sometimes just plain being angry is the only appropriate thing to do! Doesn’t hurt anyone, doesn’t cause more problems down the road. But does let you feel better.

Thank you for listening, everyone. This is absolutely one good method for dealing with anger.

Take care, all.

Darylynn Starr Rank (psychologist/writer) works part-time for Family Services of Greater Vancouver as a group facilitator. Her articles appear bi-weekly in The Record (New Westminster) and the Richmond Review.

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