Separation - by Darylynn Starr Rank
February, 2007

Cats are smart. Very, very smart. (Not nice all the time but, hey, neither are we…). Over the years we have had cats react unhappily to my husband and I going away on trips. The smartest one was unfortunately the unhappiest.

Over the years our cats have all consistently punished us for a few days on our return from holidays. There’s the classic view of their backs turned to us in vexed pique for hours at a time. And that’s when they let us see them. Other times they hide for days under the bed, in another room, or in that mysterious cat hiding place completely unknown and unfindable by human beings.

The worst, however, was that one, very smart cat. Early on she recognized the meaning of a suitcase. The first couple of times she saw us place our suitcase on the bed to begin packing, she simply leapt up and ran away (under the bed, another room, that “cat place”). She clearly understood that we were going away for a while, and was upset.

Over the years it got worse. The moment the suitcase appeared she would roam up and down the bed meowing, looking pathetic, nervous and dismayed. And we’d feel guilty. Then she started digging herself under the clothes we’d packed and go to sleep inside the bag. (We started feeling paranoid about ending up on a tropical beach with a cat packed away by accident.).)

But embarrassing though it is to admit, in writing no less, the worst was yet to come. One day we were about halfway through holiday packing, walked into another room to get more stuff, and returned to find our vacation wardrobe soaking wet and foul-smelling. Our lovely cat had peed – directly inside our half-filled luggage.

Separation anxiety. It happens to all of us. Who on earth likes it when our loved ones go away? (Oh, sometimes there’s a little guilty pleasure or feelings of “Hooray, two days all to myself…”) But generally we feel sad. Or anxious. Even angry. If even cats feel it, just think how difficult it is for people!

Now imagine that you’re three or four of five years old, heading off to school for the first time. Away from Mommy and Daddy, and safe, familiar home (even away from precious smart little puppy or kitten). And towards – only heaven knows what! School? What’s that?? What’s it like? Who’s there? Will I like them? Will they like me? What will I do all day!?!?

Separation anxiety. Seems utterly sensible, doesn’t it. And for children, of course, very important. A huge step in moving out into the world; a huge step in learning to deal with the joys, trials, and tribulations of growing up. But for parents to deal with it is really hard. You have to help your kids through it, find ways to cope (for them and you, too), teach them ways to be strong. Not always easy! So get whatever support and help you can. 

By the way, we started hiding our suitcases in another room and packing secretly…

Take care, all.

Darylynn Starr Rank (psychologist/writer) works part-time for Family Services of Greater Vancouver as a group facilitator. Her articles appear bi-weekly in The Record (New Westminster) and the Richmond Review.

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