Teens - by Darylynn Starr Rank
October, 2004

I had a friend in Junior High School, which means he was about thirteen or fourteen when I met him. He was really smart in a bunch of ways – sciences, maths, and he wrote the most beautiful poetry. But I discovered the single thing I found most fascinating about him the first time he invited me over to his house. 

He took me to a little room off his bedroom and showed me – his fruit flies! Yup. Fruit flies. He had whole colonies of them. He had rotting pieces of fruit which they clung to. Fine mesh cages. Watering spots. The place was a mess. And slightly disgusting. But somehow I had to admire his enthusiasm. 

He told me all about them. How long they lived, what they ate. And all about his experiments. Different foods, different temperatures, different lighting. 

In retrospect, I’ve been thinking about his parents. What they had to put up with. If, even at thirteen, I thought the whole mess was slightly disgusting, imagine how his parents felt! But in fact, they encouraged him. Bought him equipment, even a microscope, listened to him talk incessantly about his fruit flies. (For a long time it was pretty much all he did talk about.) 

Well, guess what? My dear little weird buddy is now an MD specializing in electron microscopy lung research at one of the major unversity medical centres in the States. A lovely story – no? –  about childhood passions, and astonishingly supportive parents.

On the other side of the coin are the endless stories I hear from students, acquaintances, friends  about a parent’s careless remark, unthinking criticism, or utter lack of support for the activities they were interested in when they were young. How that stopped them in their tracks and shut them down. Years later, they’re in adult courses trying to get back to their art or languages or electronics, and wondering why the topic they used to love so much is so invisible in their lives.

Or think about the cliché on TV and in the movies, and so sadly common in real life as well, about the parents who never made it to the science fair, or the game or the concert, and how much the now-grown up person still hurts from that old lack of attention. How much of an impact it had on whether or not they continued to do experiments, or play the sport, or the instrument.

Of course, there’s the practical issue parents often feel compelled to address. “But how will you earn a living at ‘ _______?’” (fill in the blank)  “You simply have to study/train/work at  ‘something else’, instead,” so often said with all the very best intentions. The alternative might be something like, “Oh, it’s wonderful that you love that so much. Let’s try to figure out how you could work in that area and make some money at it, too.”

It’s so easy to simply not notice something your teenager is truly interested in. So easy to interfere with their pursuit of something they’re passionate about. Without ever meaning to. Sadly, the truth is that too many children grow up to be adults who are unhappy or frustrated or disappointed in their life’s work because they didn’t choose something they truly care about. Sometimes, that’s because they just didn’t have enough of the right kind of encouragement.

And maybe it’s understandable.It really is difficult to live with a room full of fruit flies.

But maybe it’s worth it.

Take care all.

Darylynn Starr Rank (psychologist/writer) works part-time for Family Services of Greater Vancouver as a group facilitator. Her articles appear bi-weekly in The Record (New Westminster) and the Richmond Review.

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