Holidays by Darylynn Starr Rank

This is my last column until the new year begins, so it behooves (I love that word) me to write something for the holidays.  Now close your eyes and imagine for just one minute that you can see every word ever written about the holidays and your job is to come up with something original…

I keep thinking about the meaning of the holidays: Christmas, Chanukah, Ramadan fell in November this year, the Chinese New Year is in January, Kwanzaa (an African-American holiday) is at the end of December, the winter solstice marks the return of the sun (at least in the northern hemisphere).  Of course in South America, Africa, Australia, the reverse is true (though in general, the lessening of the sun seems much less of an issue there...) 

The spiritual and religious aspects, so often lost amid the decorations and the food and the presents, are vital to many of us as the true meaning of these celebrations.  Time spent in churches and mosques, synagogues, or at home in prayer or contemplation, are the quiet spiritual moments. 

And, gratifyingly, most of these holidays include a commitment to helping others, taking care of those who don't have the same resources, doing good deeds.  It's pretty much a universal theme of 'holy' days.   Especially important, I think, because of a very unfortunate message we often hear:  'Only good little boys and girls' get presents….  (the message being, of course, if your parents are too poor to buy you presents, it must mean you've been 'bad'!!????)

Almost all of these holidays emphasize presents and food, music and dancing, special clothes and decorations.  So we seek to enjoy the playful fun parts.  And lights - strung all over, everywhere, candles, lanterns, the sun, the moon, the stars - are surprisingly critical to so many of the festivities.  "Let there be light" is one of the great joyous moments of the universe, I suppose (at least in the Judeo-Christian tradition).

Still, I can't help but think, as I gaze at my calendar, insistently filling up with plans to spend time with as many of the people I care about as I can, that one of the most important claims of the holidays is to be with family and friends.  To mark this special moment of the year with a feeling of connection, of love, of community. To break bread and share the bounty of food and wine and presents, but even more so, to share our time with loved ones. 

In this day and age we all know how sad it is to think of our parents, grandparents, even children, our sisters and brothers, aunts, uncles, cousins, and numerous, widely scattered friends, who all live so far away from us; who we can't fill up our calendars with for dinners and lunches and walks on the beach.  Hardly any of us are lucky enough to have everyone we care about in one place. 

But it's worse if you're new here.  If you've come from somewhere 'down under' or 'over there' or 'the Old Country', with just a few of the people you love.  If you've flown over from the other side of the Pacific Rim, and left most of your family and friends behind. 

Maybe we can all think of making our own individual communities just a little bit bigger, and letting a few more people in.  Not very original, but perhaps just a really good idea.

Take care, all.  And have a lovely December.

Darylynn Starr Rank (psychologist/writer) works part-time for Family Services of Greater Vancouver as a group facilitator. Her articles appear bi-weekly in The Record (New Westminster) and the Richmond Review.

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